It’s heartbreaking to witness someone you care about grapple with doubts and questions about their faith. If you’re looking to support them, remember that it’s a delicate process that requires patience, empathy, and charity. This guide, inspired by a video from Cwic Media, highlights a crucial foundation: building trust before addressing theological concerns. Here is a structured approach:
Step 1: Establish Yourself as a Trusted Friend (The Foundation)
- Listen Actively:
- The most important thing is to listen without unrighteous judgment. Put away distractions and truly hear their concerns.
- Avoid interrupting or immediately offering solutions. Instead, focus on understanding their perspective. There will be time to offer solutions when they ask. That may not be this discussion, but if you have a good relationship, the time will come that you will be there to help answer their questions.
- Emphasize Empathy:
- Acknowledge their feelings and validate their struggles. Say things like, “I understand this is difficult for you,” or “It sounds like you’re going through a lot.”
- Show genuine care and concern for their well-being.
- Build Trust:
- Let them know you’re there for them, regardless of their doubts.
- Assure them that you won’t judge them or try to force your beliefs on them.
- Say something like “I want you to know that you can tell me anything, and I will still value our relationship.”
- Be Patient:
- This process takes time. Do not try to rush it.
- The person needs to know that you are there for them for the long haul.
It’s crucial to recognize that people approach faith struggles from different starting points. Some may be firmly grounded in their faith, while others are sincerely grappling with specific doctrinal or historical questions. In rare cases, individuals may even express hostility towards their former beliefs. In those latter cases, it’s often best to avoid the topic until they are ready to have a sincere discussion.
We all experience fluctuations in our faith as we learn and grow. Doubts can serve as valuable catalysts for shedding false beliefs. For instance, holding the belief that prophets are infallible is not scripturally sound. The scriptures themselves provide examples of prophets making mistakes, learning, and evolving, mirroring our human experience.
Letting go of inaccurate beliefs paves the way for a stronger foundation of faith in true principles, such as Jesus Christ being our Savior and the divine calling of modern prophets like President Nelson to guide us. We can have confidence that prophets will never lead us astray, meaning they will not instruct us to do anything that would jeopardize our salvation or exaltation.
This process of shedding false beliefs can be challenging and requires patience, love, and understanding, not unrighteous judgment. This article focuses on how to support those who are sincerely and seriously questioning aspects of their previously held beliefs.
Step 2: Understand Their Specific Concerns (The Exploration)
- Ask Open-Ended Questions:
- Encourage them to elaborate on their doubts. Ask questions like, “What specifically is causing you to question your faith?” or “What experiences have led you to feel this way?”
- “What are the biggest questions that are weighing on you?”
- Avoid Assumptions:
- Do not assume you know what they’re struggling with. Let them explain it in their own words.
- Clarify Misunderstandings:
- Sometimes, doubts stem from misunderstandings or misinterpretations. Gently clarify any misconceptions without being confrontational.
Step 3: Offer Support and Resources (The Guidance)
- Share Your Experiences (If Appropriate):
- If you’ve had similar doubts, sharing your own journey can be helpful. But only if it is helpful to the person you are talking to.
- Suggest Relevant Resources:
- Recommend books, articles, podcasts, or videos that address their specific concerns. You can also use our own Deseret.AI as a quick and powerful resource to help answer questions.
- If they’re open to it, suggest speaking with a trusted religious leader or counselor.
- Encourage Self-Reflection:
- Help them explore their beliefs through journaling, prayer, or meditation.
- Support Their Search:
- Support them in their search for truth, even if their conclusions differ from your own.
- Austin and Tikla Fife are a great example of this. Austin started questioning his testimony, and left the Church for a time. His wife, Tikla, supported his search for truth while staying firm in her faith, and he was eventually led back to the gospel and Church. You can hear their story here.
Step 4: Respect Their Journey (The Acceptance)
- Avoid Pressuring Them:
- Don’t try to force them to believe what you believe. Their faith journey is personal.
- Accept Their Decisions:
- Respect their decisions, even if you don’t agree with them.
- Maintain the Relationship:
- Your relationship is more important than their beliefs. You cannot be there when they need you, whether it is for questions about faith or anything else in their lives, if you have alienated them. Continue to show love and support, regardless of their faith journey.
Key Takeaway:
Helping someone struggling with their faith is about being a loving and supportive presence. It’s about creating a safe space for them to explore their doubts and questions without unrighteous judgment. By focusing on building trust and understanding, you can be a valuable source of support during difficult times.